I don't wanna live my life without you...
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Thursday, December 24, 2009 @ 2:27 AM
It's late night web-cruising again when i caught sight of a picture i never knew existed.  Taken before Hard Rock Cafe in KL You wear like that to college next year, and i swear, you'll be spending an awful lot of time You, the Don Juan that i know of. ;) Don Juan (n) ~ successful seducer of women
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Saturday, December 19, 2009 @ 1:51 PM
trust issues If my earlier post was about TRUTH, today i'll be talking about TRUST.  How many of you believe and trust people readily? *hands up* Who do you trust the most, is it a relative, a friend or a family member? How does it feel, to know that you're a person who cannot be trusted? Well, let me share with you my own personal experience, if you hadn't known me well before. I come from a family background in which both parents are overbearing and controlling. I feel overprotected and oppressed. In this sheltered life i lead, i feel that my personal life is assumed unimportant where else family comes first before anything. That is true. Family comes first because they are always there for you. Being there for you, i think, would also mean giving and receiving support and understanding. More often than not, i am misunderstood by my own folks and i feel that they do not trust me enough. Being a 20 year old, i think that my insights and judgments towards life, in general, is more or less adult-oriented. I do not understand why it is just so hard for my parents to believe me or trust me with the decisions i make. Be it with who i go out with, what i do with my life - they seem to find that i am incapable of making the right decisions for myself. Though ironically, when i share with them the decisions that i am going to make, they briskly thrust that responsibility of decision-making on my shoulder, but they don't trust me enough to act on those decisions. The basic unit of relationships is trust, so if you don't trust your own family, then would they count even as family? Countless times, i've been accused of the *worst* things. Let's make a list, shall we?
Can you see just how negatively my parents think of me? How much trust do they have of me? I can understand that i am a girl, thus i have to take extra care of myself. I can totally do that. But, i think it's unreasonable to control my whereabouts and with whom i go out with just because they're afraid i might get laid, raped or drunk. I hate that my sex is used against my own self; i'm being blackmailed just because i am a girl. I don't know about you, but i am tired of this patriarchic, repressive system. Just because i am the only daughter and the best you can ever have, does not entitle you to claiming what i do with my own personal life. I'm not your puppet. I DO have a life, in case you haven't noticed at all. If you want to control my life and what i do with it, and not ready to face with me growing up and my decisions, then why did you have me 20 years ago? Being in a sheltered life, let me tell you, it's almost as if you're not living at all. I wish you know that i am not gullible as you might think i am. I am not as weak you perceive me to be. I am sound in mind, and in the decisions i make for myself. I am a human calculator; i weigh the risks and consider all consequences of my actions. I would never do things that could potentially ruin the family name. I know that one of your children turned out a bad egg; but that does not mean that i'll be another. I know my place in life, and my decisions support it. I can tell the right from wrong, if they are good for me or otherwise. I am rational, i can think for myself. I don't need you to dictate what i do. But, I understand that as parents, you mean well for your children. All i'm asking for is more trust and understanding from you. Have your Say
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Wednesday, December 16, 2009 @ 11:39 AM
trust truth, it hurts Last night, i busted a man's ego because he deserved it for offending me by his words. What i told him pierced his heart, and perhaps, his head too. The truth needs to be let out; something which i should have confessed a long time ago. But last night was unacceptable and it really hurt me, but i guess nothing can ever hurt other than truth itself. 
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Sunday, December 13, 2009 @ 9:15 PM
YOG HELLO GUYS! It's been quite a while since i updated. Been busy with stuffs and now i'm back. Alors, the week's been hectic all with the YOG Friendship Camp, which is the highlight of the week! Tired having to travel back and forth for training sessions and doing activities with the athletes, but hey - that's all part of the job. Along the way, i built some friendships with the kids - all from different backgrounds but share the same love for sports. I've learnt a thing or two about some countries - Hungary, Algeria, France, Albania, African countries (Mali, Chad, Lesotho, Burkina Faso, Senegal etc) and some Latin America ones as well. Certainly alot to take in! The closing ceremony i attended last night was cool! In the auditorium, it was all hotel banquet style with round tables and petite cart-shops serving local cuisines. Some of the kids, i asked, liked the food. Different from what they normal eat back at home. Lots of tropical fruit served as well. A good dinner was accompanied by performances and i wasn't at all surprised to see IJC's Musicians' Club performing at the ceremony. There was this mosh-pit going on with athletes dancing their funky moves. Then it was chaos. A whole round of the YOG mass dance later, people were seen going around, snapping photos for memories and some breaking into tears. Some strong friendships built over the 5 days. I'll never forget how sweet that Hungarian handball player was for giving me the Budapest postcard, the very cute girl from Albania who began enquiring about my lenses, the Bruneian guy who bought us all ice-creams, the hugs i shared with a thousand and one athletes, 'Borat' - that french clown who kept all our moods light and certainly, the man who stood outside the gates waiting to pick me up for the night. Till i see them again, next year... Meanwhile, French party and Appreciation Dinner! =)) **updates** Below is the YOG Friendship Camp that i attended! Now some of my friends are famous! HAHA... Have your Say
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Sunday, December 06, 2009 @ 3:07 AM
If i dance... Piano blanc sur la plage Refrain d'une enfant sage Toi velours fait de sables Le vent sur mon visage Et je me souviens De ces mots qui t'allaient si bien Mes rêves incertains Où j'espérai l'amour au rivage De mes lendemains Si on danse En silence Porter par le souffle du temps De saisons En passion Cet enfant en moi rêvait tant L'unique instant D'aimer vraiment... Tu peux peindre les eaux du bleu de ton regard Et dans chaque canot près de toi je m'égare Me laisse emporté par les remous de mes pensées Mystérieux abbaye où les vagues se meurent à mes pieds Et font naître mes rêves Et je danse En silence Porter par le souffle du temps De saisons En passion Je veux croire en mes illusions En mes rêves d'enfant... Et je danse En silence Porter par ton souffle à présent Pour un jour Pour toujours D'autre part font brûler mon sang Est-ce toi, cet homme là A qui j'ai crié si souvent "Rêve moi, une fois" Il est là peut-être l'amour que j'attendais tant -------- Not too long ago, i've been awakened into my senses by a man of my dreams. He came one night uninvited, and i could do nothing but to helplessly receive him in the soft vagueness of the dream. He was, at first sight i knew, the One. The One who could bring me a better life, a better me, a better of everything possible. In a short span of time that i had with him in the dream, i grew fond of him and secretly loved him for being the person that he was. At the end of the dream, he had to go. And so he left. I never saw him again since i got hooked on a newfound love at the time. I couldn't help but wonder, why didn't he appear in my dreams again? I wanted to convince myself that the man in my dreams was a sign of the newfound love that i would find. One night, many months later, he appeared again. He dropped by to tell me that he had to leave me, for good. He wanted to leave for some unfathomable reasons he wouldn't care to tell, while i begged him to stay. By his manners and expressions, i knew i could never win him back, no matter how i tried. Very much later, i broke off with the present love i had. This story is essentially, not about the break-up. It's about having dreamt of a perfect figure, a wholesome man who you knew, can never exist in our realm. It does not hurt to dream, and sometimes, i secretly wish for him to come back into my nights. And if he does, i would like to ask him why he had left. Is it you, that man whom i have cried so often, "Dream of me, just once!" It is there where love is, which i had been waiting for so much
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Saturday, December 05, 2009 @ 1:33 AM
One night, as i was revising for my exams, my mum called me out from my room because she said there was some IndoFrench film on the tele. So i went out to see what it was. Lost In Love, apparently. It looked good. There were moderate use of French and i loved hearing the way the actors speak it. I watched snippets of it in between commercials and revision, and thought to myself, i would watch the show on Youtube instead. When i finally got to watching the whole movie, i thought, "What a waste of my time".  The characters though, are really pretty and handsome! I then watched Eiffel...I'm In Love (a prequel to Lost In Love) and goodness, the movie seriously sucked! Yes, that movie was many years ago, and i missed it. If i thought the above movie was bad, then the first was EVEN worst!  Ahh, no one does french movies better than the French! I have been watching them, and i must say, i quite love most of them! The court metrage (short films) are really very good despite being very short in duration and there's always a little twist behind or a message that is thought-provoking. Anything but mindless. Alors, tomorrow i've got to go o Hort Park for training! Hopefully i get to meet more interpreters and make new friends. Also, try to improve my translation skills...
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Tuesday, December 01, 2009 @ 11:37 PM
At present i have some anxieties. I've taken a look at the itinerary for the Youth Olympic Games camp, and it's seriously not funny that they assume intermediate french learners to be Facilitators. That's like, the LEADER. Ça alors! I can't even speak without being conscious of my grammar! Comment comme ça?! Have your Say
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Wednesday, November 25, 2009 @ 1:30 PM
A few things to share. A message i received on my phone today at 6am. #1 Assalamualaikum Fadila. Ini ****. Are you in S'pore or Brunei? You tahu tak saturday nyer plan? Reply: Ape plan saturday? Ini ***** maner? #2 Ini Fadilah Yasin rite? Ftpss... Reply: Bukan, ini memang Fadilah tapi bukan ftpss. #3 Ouh, i think i got the wrong person but with the same name. sori... Reply: It's ok. Sidenote: What would i be doing in Brunei now when i've exams surrounding my sorry ass? Besides having noted that my name is common, i found it such a freaky incident. Life has its own little mysteries. -------------- I'm officially down for the Youth Olympic Games 2010 and i'm psyched! My friend and i will be helping with some stuffs, probably communication related, as we could correspond with the French athletes. AWESOME! YOG camp next 2 weeks. HELLO french boys. LOL. (kiddin', db =)) ) ------------- I'm involved in a school-based project for exchange students. Next month, i'll be welcoming new exchange students at the airport! Get them acquainted with sunny S'pore and make them feel at home... Have your Say
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Monday, November 23, 2009 @ 11:33 PM
It had been a good day. It was. It was fun and laughter, a luxury which i might not be able to afford next year. All felt fine and dandy, until my mom called up. She used that one word i despise so much, so much that it hurt me a little. What she said over the phone made me feel injustice kicking in all over again, and for the umpteenth time, i wanted, with all my heart, to defend myself. But i couldn't. She's my mother. I wanted to tell her, how i wouldn't have the need to study so hard and be like the others. I wanted her to know, i wish i couldn't care less about family. I wanted her to see, all the mistakes she had done. But i couldn't do it. Because i am not like the others. I don't want to be. Because i care, i really do care, about the family. (Whether you realised it or not) Because i understand your flaws, the same flaws which brought me up a person, that made me grow stronger and aspired to be not the same like you. Have you ever wondered who am i? Am i a young, naive child in your eyes? Do i stand before you, a 20 year old lady, with no sense of aim in life? Am i like how you judge me to be? If that's how you judge me still, young, naive and vulnerable, then i think you don't know your own daughter well enough. And certainly, not well enough to know that her daughter had found herself a decent man. Not a damned jantan mum, not a damned one. You disappoint me.
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Friday, November 20, 2009 @ 6:04 PM
Mug1101E It's that time of the academic year again - the final exams. It is unbelievable, the nightlife in the school library that is. It's open 24 hours and there are students studying in the library late in the morning - be it midnight or 4am. Students here are amazing too - they play hard and study hard! Anyway, i had my share of late night mugging sessions too be it alone or with friends. If there's a sense of solidarity in the air: it's the will and want to excel in the exams. My first paper starts tomorrow. Wish me luck, guys. Have your Say
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Thursday, November 19, 2009 @ 5:37 AM
Reading back my old blog posts, i feel nostalgic and more aware of one fact: Time is closing in on us both and that with what little we have now, i have to remember, capture those moments and store them in my memory bank because it won't be long till things will change. - One month and a half to go -
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Monday, November 16, 2009 @ 1:58 AM
what's your lucky number? It's 2 in the morning, and i can't sleep because my body is used to sleeping at 3am. Thanks to the week of pulling all nighters trying to complete term papers, my body clock hasn't really adjusted itself to sleeping earlier as i should. I will try, DB. =) Anyway, i was wide awake, and just few minutes ago from Facebook, i stumbled upon some profile of ex-es of mine. Oh boy - times have changed indeed, as i looked on at photos and reflected back on old memories. Flings were many, serious were few. Commitment and boys are antagonistic, i think. I'm ashamed to think that i weaved in and out of relationships and flings during teenhood. It was majorly embarrassing, things that happened in the past. What was i thinking? (Yes, exact. I wasn't, that's what.) All those crushes came and went, i wondered if some even exist today. Well, it took some turns and tries before i finally found the right one. And freakily, i stopped at this one - my lucky number. So, DB, you're my lucky number ___. ;))) Have your Say
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